Well, poorly and incredibly busy more like but you know want I mean. My head is a mess, I have so much I want to do and no energy it's rubbish.
Spending 3 whole weeks with my sister and her family was lovely despite the circumstances. Her kids are growing in to fine young people....a credit to her and her husband. A vast proportion of the time they spent here was spent sorting stuff out with mum. We started to clear the workshop......that's still a work in progress mind! Boxes and boxes of nails, screws and blades. Rolls of sander paper, piles of product catalogues. Heaps of sawdust, stacks of randomly shaped pieces of wood. A couple of half finished window frames and half a chair..........Not to mention three routers, numerous planes, chisels and saws......almost as if he may have misplaced something and just bought another to replace it!
We spent quite a cathartic day clearing and tidying.......it actually was like he'd just stepped out of the door and would return at any moment......
There was some wine too.....white wine and Dad was never much of a white wine drinker. We divided the boxes up and I thought no more of it, not wanting to crack any of it open until I felt better. Well what a good job I didn't......because it wasn't Dads!!!! Turns out he'd stored a few boxes for a friend and she had had the awful task of approaching us to ask for it back! She must have stressed over what to say for ages. So our box was still intact and could be returned to its rightful owner, but the boxes that Mum and my sister and brother in law had taken were no more.......Ha, they were delicious by all accounts! Now that really did make me laugh!
I hate what a cancer diagnosis does to your mind.
You become paranoid about every little ache and pain, and as such I had taken myself back to the GP to see about a mole on my face. Liam had been on at me for a long time to get it checked out. I wasn't overly concerned about it before but now everything that might be sinister takes on a much bigger presence. I love the sun and the idea that I might have developed skin cancer started to grow in the back of my mind.
I was referred to Darent Valley (charming) Hospital for a clinic with a dermatologist. Again, I can't fault the speed of referral and it slotted neatly with my chemo. I asked Katie to drive me up there, didn't think I could cope with the anxiety of the appointment and the drive! Anyway.......it's nothing sinister, and I asked her to look at one on my back too, nothing sinister there too. Can't tell you how relieved I was. Obviously....... So I emerge from the consulting room and tell Katie that it's just an age spot (again, charming I'm 42 FFS) ......... or more precisely that I have ''AGE'' on my face.
Her face fell...... ''AIDS, you have AIDS on your face?'' Then a smile and laughter......just what the doctor ordered!
So now, the end of May 2016 sees me with 5 chemos down (three FEC and 2 T) and one to go. I'm not entirely sure how I have got this far. This last round of T has been really hard. I was lucky to have a friend take me last time. REALLY LUCKY......She drove all the way from Salisbury just to take me to my chemo session. I think she likes me, which is good, because we LOVE Nina! (and the girls and Miff and Retired Major Matt) I'm only just feeling human again on day 8, it seems to take me longer and longer to get over each assault on my system. Onwards and upwards though. I spend my time planning nice things to do when I'm fit, thinking about days out and trips away......I've even been planning decorating the hallway. And I HATE decorating! I've been sewing a bit too, bits and pieces for friends and a couple of things for me.
I've applied for a Honey Rose Foundation special wish, which organises nice things for adults over 40 who have a life threatening illness. Plus we've been offered a cottage in Dorset for a few days in the summer. If the rest of my treatment goes to plan we may still squeeze a holiday in before the boys head back to school and college in September.
Next milestone will be my last Chemotherapy, on June 9th. I cannot wait to get it over with. It's robbed me of far too much time. Then I will be celebrating by partying long into the night at Matt and Suzy's wedding party the weekend after! I decided to treat myself and am getting my makeup done and am planning to go bald too............I will post pictures, I promise, Its shaping up to be a marvellous evening.........!!!
c xx
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