My eldest boy has had two weeks of mock GCSE's to contend with, all coinciding with my surgery date slap bang in the middle. Bloody charming! Awesome timing! Still, they seemed to go along without any major hitches. A huge achievement for him as he'd been far too anxious to attempt any back in July last year.
His results (EPIC) are coming back in dribs and drabs, and we are so very proud of him. College is on track for September!
We decided to go out for dinner last Friday night, partly in celebration that the bleeding exams were over and also because I was 7 days post op at that point and feeling pretty good, if a little sore as the feeling was coming back in my skin near where all the action was. Dosed up on paracetamol and ibuprofen we went to a local Pub that has just reopened with new owners. It was lovely to be 'out-out' as Mickey Flannigan would say! The place was super busy and even at 6.30pm all but one of the tables had reserved on them!
We sat and ordered, both boys eagerly perusing the menu! I ordered, on recommendation from my friend a large glass of rioja. Oh My Gawd........ it was delicious! And I was instantly warm, fuzzy and a bit giggly! The food, came and went, lovely and we discussed what would happen next with my treatment..........
At this point we don't know exactly what I will need, apart from definitely radiotherapy, but possibly chemotherapy too. That's for the Oncologist and I to decide next Wednesday. So we talked about my hair.....and that if I have to have chemo that it will most likely fall out. Fred offered this up.
'Why don't you shave it all off and then get it made into a wig'
Nice!
'We could cover you head in PVA glue and just stick it to your head each morning mum'
Awesome!
'You could peel it off at the end of the day like when it's on your fingers in class.......'
Starting to realise he's taking the piss!
Good job we were all laughing because when the bill came for the meal and drinks we were horrified to discover my one glass of wine had cost £8.30!!!!!!
Ouch!
So back to now.
I saw the consultant yesterday, he must be an absolute genius because he managed to get all the cancer and leave me with a decent sized boob! Also, he took 13 lymph nodes from my armpit area and only one had cancer cells in! Feel a bit peeved that I had to have them all out.......but I am trying to counter that with the knowledge that if they'd only taken a couple, I may have needed a second surgery to get more later on. So no more surgery. I'm done.
I see the oncologist next Wednesday to discuss further treatments. One step further, closer to my future!
c x
Thursday, 28 January 2016
Thursday, 21 January 2016
Freedom,
This week, I have mostly been 'being annoyed with my drain'.
Let me explain.
I was discharged on Saturday morning, not a moment too soon after a very disrupted night in Maistone Short Stay Unit. I can't fault the care, but when the night staff do your morning obs at 6.30am and offer you digestive biscuits for breakfast because they don't usually have overnight guests......you start to wish you had actually gone home the night before.
My neighbour opposite was an older lady who had huffed and puffed and effed and jeffed at every opportunity after her procedure on Friday afternoon. I'd had the privilege of being first down on Friday morning and as a result had been back up on the ward by 11.30am. Anyway, this dear soul opposite me, once she had found her bearings, muttered away to herself for most of the afternoon. I was fortunate enough to have had a couple of visitors come and entertain me until about 7pm so I didn't notice her much until they'd gone. It seemed then that I was fair game.
She managed to catch my eye, I was polite and smiled over to her. Big mistake! I am now a theoretical expert in how to crochet a granny square, how to turn that into a blanket, how to knit a striped scarf and all about her husbands diabetes. All the details, missing toes, pacemakers and her fertility problems and when they lost their house because it was a tied cottage........... Another lady opposite me gestured to me to put my earphones in at this point, which worked like a charm!
So, apart from feeling quite uncomfortable and the ward being noisy I didn't sleep much and my neighbour was still muttering away to herself at 11.30pm.
Once I was home I retreated to my own bed, all smooth sheets, hot water bottle and snuggly duvet. Utter bliss!
And now to my drain, as I'd had a level 3 axillary clearance....sounds like some military security thing, I had to return home with a wound drain in place. On the whole this was ok. Apart from it looking like some sort of urine catheter bag, bulb thing. Going to bed every night with it was a challenge, trying to not get too tangled up, trying not to let it dangle out of the bed, hoping it wont spring a leak!
I had to measure the fluid every day. I have been draining around 70ml of lymph fluid every 24 hours. Consistently.
(I wont mention the long strings of pink jelly.....think Colin the caterpillar from M&S)
When I went to the surgery to see the nurse to have it removed they didn't want to as it was still actively draining. Even though I was on my 5th day, the day it was supposed to come out.
So I come back home and have to ring the Breast Nurse at the hospital. She confirms it must come out, so back I went this morning to have it removed. Now, a friend..........the one who eggs me on to write this, decided not to tell me that it might hurt. To be fair, I had thought it might pull a bit, when they snip the stitch but it didn't.......although, as she was pulling the tube out it did feel like there was about a mile of it under my ribs!
I was beginning to get a bit stir crazy, yes even after only 5 days. So I asked Suzy if she would take me out on Thursday morning. Just to Beals for breakfast. It was perfect! Put it this way, I didn't have to beg and as she's such a regular there our coffees were on our table pretty much as soon as we'd sat down! It was exactly what I needed!
So, I'm patched up, and released from my tubing which had felt like a useless third arm, I feel like a new person.
Still mostly numb, the odd shooting pain but my range of movement is improving every day. Plus people telling me how well I look helps, I do feel well.
Still feeling the love!!
C xx
Let me explain.
I was discharged on Saturday morning, not a moment too soon after a very disrupted night in Maistone Short Stay Unit. I can't fault the care, but when the night staff do your morning obs at 6.30am and offer you digestive biscuits for breakfast because they don't usually have overnight guests......you start to wish you had actually gone home the night before.
My neighbour opposite was an older lady who had huffed and puffed and effed and jeffed at every opportunity after her procedure on Friday afternoon. I'd had the privilege of being first down on Friday morning and as a result had been back up on the ward by 11.30am. Anyway, this dear soul opposite me, once she had found her bearings, muttered away to herself for most of the afternoon. I was fortunate enough to have had a couple of visitors come and entertain me until about 7pm so I didn't notice her much until they'd gone. It seemed then that I was fair game.
She managed to catch my eye, I was polite and smiled over to her. Big mistake! I am now a theoretical expert in how to crochet a granny square, how to turn that into a blanket, how to knit a striped scarf and all about her husbands diabetes. All the details, missing toes, pacemakers and her fertility problems and when they lost their house because it was a tied cottage........... Another lady opposite me gestured to me to put my earphones in at this point, which worked like a charm!
So, apart from feeling quite uncomfortable and the ward being noisy I didn't sleep much and my neighbour was still muttering away to herself at 11.30pm.
Once I was home I retreated to my own bed, all smooth sheets, hot water bottle and snuggly duvet. Utter bliss!
And now to my drain, as I'd had a level 3 axillary clearance....sounds like some military security thing, I had to return home with a wound drain in place. On the whole this was ok. Apart from it looking like some sort of urine catheter bag, bulb thing. Going to bed every night with it was a challenge, trying to not get too tangled up, trying not to let it dangle out of the bed, hoping it wont spring a leak!
I had to measure the fluid every day. I have been draining around 70ml of lymph fluid every 24 hours. Consistently.
(I wont mention the long strings of pink jelly.....think Colin the caterpillar from M&S)
When I went to the surgery to see the nurse to have it removed they didn't want to as it was still actively draining. Even though I was on my 5th day, the day it was supposed to come out.
So I come back home and have to ring the Breast Nurse at the hospital. She confirms it must come out, so back I went this morning to have it removed. Now, a friend..........the one who eggs me on to write this, decided not to tell me that it might hurt. To be fair, I had thought it might pull a bit, when they snip the stitch but it didn't.......although, as she was pulling the tube out it did feel like there was about a mile of it under my ribs!
I was beginning to get a bit stir crazy, yes even after only 5 days. So I asked Suzy if she would take me out on Thursday morning. Just to Beals for breakfast. It was perfect! Put it this way, I didn't have to beg and as she's such a regular there our coffees were on our table pretty much as soon as we'd sat down! It was exactly what I needed!
So, I'm patched up, and released from my tubing which had felt like a useless third arm, I feel like a new person.
Still mostly numb, the odd shooting pain but my range of movement is improving every day. Plus people telling me how well I look helps, I do feel well.
Still feeling the love!!
C xx
Monday, 18 January 2016
Surgery
I love our NHS.
Now that I am home, after my op the 4 week wait for any action on my disease seems to have gone in a flash.
I'm sore, and my entire left armpit area and part of my upper arm is completely numb. Have to admit to not expecting that. I knew I'd lose the feeling in part of my upper arm, but I'm hoping the feeling will come back in the rest of it over time.
The district nurse turned up at an ungodly hour on Sunday morning. I wasn't dressed, washed or anything. It had snowed overnight and I think she wanted to get her rounds underway in case the weather worsened. Poor lady.....I hadn't even brushed my teeth.
I have a drain in, which I have to empty and measure (icky) and there are some very suspect stringy items in the tubing.......bleurgh! This wont come out until it's draining less that 50ml in 24 hours.......unless a miracle happens...I'll be with it for a while yet!
I am also trying hard to remember to do those bloody exercises. Its so frustrating when it hurts, but I must do them.
So, I'm being looked after well, I'm knackered, but on the up!
xx
Now that I am home, after my op the 4 week wait for any action on my disease seems to have gone in a flash.
I'm sore, and my entire left armpit area and part of my upper arm is completely numb. Have to admit to not expecting that. I knew I'd lose the feeling in part of my upper arm, but I'm hoping the feeling will come back in the rest of it over time.
The district nurse turned up at an ungodly hour on Sunday morning. I wasn't dressed, washed or anything. It had snowed overnight and I think she wanted to get her rounds underway in case the weather worsened. Poor lady.....I hadn't even brushed my teeth.
I have a drain in, which I have to empty and measure (icky) and there are some very suspect stringy items in the tubing.......bleurgh! This wont come out until it's draining less that 50ml in 24 hours.......unless a miracle happens...I'll be with it for a while yet!
I am also trying hard to remember to do those bloody exercises. Its so frustrating when it hurts, but I must do them.
So, I'm being looked after well, I'm knackered, but on the up!
xx
Wednesday, 13 January 2016
Melt down
I think I had been coasting, since the diagnosis I mean. Two weeks of distractions with Christmas and family. Eating, drinking and attempting to be merry.
And then the crippling anxiety that I had suffered from in the past returned.......I now realise that before, this anxiety that I had overcome was around a completely irrational and self fabricated fear.
New Years Day is typically a pretty depressing day, unless you're not nursing a hangover .....I sat on the sofa all day, ploughed through film after film on the tele, in a bit of a daze. We should have arranged to do something, a walk or a lunch or something. Liam stayed in bed and the boys in their rooms playing on their new gadgets.......it was a lonely old dreary day. Great start to 2016!
We limped through the weekend, I stopped eating, started feeling restless at night and found myself making a bed up on the sofa most nights around 2am to avoid disturbing Liam. Monday I took myself to the Dr to get back on the antidepressants I'd successfully weaned myself off two years prior. Knowing I had a stiff ten days or so ahead as my body adjusted to the drug, but very glad to be able to actually do something to help my mind.
That feeling of being trapped, not being able to escape is how I felt. I felt trapped in my mind which was already starting to race ahead.......the op wouldn't work, The cancer was detected in my sentinel lymph node after a microbubble biopsy, so we already know that I have to have all my nodes removed. My mind had decided that I was going to die, that it had spread beyond already...... And that was agony.
By Friday of that week I was almost unable to function at all. An emergency appointment with the Dr and my lovely Mum was a revelation. Having my fears validated even if not quelled as such helped hugely. My GP had read through my notes briefly before she'd called me in. She agreed that I needed something else to get me though the next week, to the op. Without me having to ask........I was sobbing hard most of the appointment, Mum speaking for me (who'd think at 41 you'd need to take your mum to the Drs with you?) she offered me valium and sleeping pills.......to take as and when.
To date I've only used one valium, but I am making the most of the sleeping pills. Something about waking up in your own bed after a reasonable amount of kip makes it easier to face whatever the day throws at you.
I go in on Friday, unless there is some hideous problem with an over booked list for the surgeon. I'm looking forward to it.......in as much as its the start, the start of getting better.
x
And then the crippling anxiety that I had suffered from in the past returned.......I now realise that before, this anxiety that I had overcome was around a completely irrational and self fabricated fear.
New Years Day is typically a pretty depressing day, unless you're not nursing a hangover .....I sat on the sofa all day, ploughed through film after film on the tele, in a bit of a daze. We should have arranged to do something, a walk or a lunch or something. Liam stayed in bed and the boys in their rooms playing on their new gadgets.......it was a lonely old dreary day. Great start to 2016!
We limped through the weekend, I stopped eating, started feeling restless at night and found myself making a bed up on the sofa most nights around 2am to avoid disturbing Liam. Monday I took myself to the Dr to get back on the antidepressants I'd successfully weaned myself off two years prior. Knowing I had a stiff ten days or so ahead as my body adjusted to the drug, but very glad to be able to actually do something to help my mind.
That feeling of being trapped, not being able to escape is how I felt. I felt trapped in my mind which was already starting to race ahead.......the op wouldn't work, The cancer was detected in my sentinel lymph node after a microbubble biopsy, so we already know that I have to have all my nodes removed. My mind had decided that I was going to die, that it had spread beyond already...... And that was agony.
By Friday of that week I was almost unable to function at all. An emergency appointment with the Dr and my lovely Mum was a revelation. Having my fears validated even if not quelled as such helped hugely. My GP had read through my notes briefly before she'd called me in. She agreed that I needed something else to get me though the next week, to the op. Without me having to ask........I was sobbing hard most of the appointment, Mum speaking for me (who'd think at 41 you'd need to take your mum to the Drs with you?) she offered me valium and sleeping pills.......to take as and when.
To date I've only used one valium, but I am making the most of the sleeping pills. Something about waking up in your own bed after a reasonable amount of kip makes it easier to face whatever the day throws at you.
I go in on Friday, unless there is some hideous problem with an over booked list for the surgeon. I'm looking forward to it.......in as much as its the start, the start of getting better.
x
Saturday, 19 December 2015
Ambushing relatives with Un-Glad tidings.....
How the fudge do you drop the 'c bomb' into a casual conversation?
How do you tell your parents, those you care about, your friends that you have cancer?
The day after diagnosis was AWFUL. Liam too the day off so he could gather his thoughts and so that we could do the telling.......spread un-glad tidings this Christmastide. Both sets of parents needed tracking down, various errands were being run at the time we had dropped by and both were surprised to see us in the day time. 'Oh, got the day off? Going shopping?' No actually, we're not.
It seemed that I became the comforter, telling the sobbing relative that it would be ok. I felt I was in the position that the nurse had been in just two days before......comforting me, except that I didn't really cry when they told us. I just shook.
Most people know now, I must say the 'mummy grapevine' is working incredibly efficiently in as much as I suspect that the whole village knew by tea time. Lots of lovely texts and message arrived on my phone, offers of help and support.
But then there are the few friends that you don't see so often. The ones in far countries, or those that live in neighbouring towns that you NEVER seem to bump into.......and then you do and you think you're going to faint with anxiety at telling them, face to face. When you think you are done with that and it all comes back...in the middle of a busy shopping centre 6 days before Christmas. And she's with her son.
I bottled it.
Where's the gin?
How do you tell your parents, those you care about, your friends that you have cancer?
The day after diagnosis was AWFUL. Liam too the day off so he could gather his thoughts and so that we could do the telling.......spread un-glad tidings this Christmastide. Both sets of parents needed tracking down, various errands were being run at the time we had dropped by and both were surprised to see us in the day time. 'Oh, got the day off? Going shopping?' No actually, we're not.
It seemed that I became the comforter, telling the sobbing relative that it would be ok. I felt I was in the position that the nurse had been in just two days before......comforting me, except that I didn't really cry when they told us. I just shook.
Most people know now, I must say the 'mummy grapevine' is working incredibly efficiently in as much as I suspect that the whole village knew by tea time. Lots of lovely texts and message arrived on my phone, offers of help and support.
But then there are the few friends that you don't see so often. The ones in far countries, or those that live in neighbouring towns that you NEVER seem to bump into.......and then you do and you think you're going to faint with anxiety at telling them, face to face. When you think you are done with that and it all comes back...in the middle of a busy shopping centre 6 days before Christmas. And she's with her son.
I bottled it.
Where's the gin?
Friday, 18 December 2015
So, here we are!
Where I never thought I'd be. Nothing ever happens to me, to us.
I'm going to try and blog my way through this, I'm hoping it will help me cope and come to terms with my diagnosis.
So, we found a lump. Well Liam found it during a boozy Sunday evening grope on the sofa.....as you do. Talk about passion killer.
Anyway, it takes me three days to get an emergency appointment at our surgery an all I'm left with is the 'holistic' GP who likes acupuncture and homeopathic remedies. I was expecting him to suggest I was imagining it, to do some breathing exercises or bathe in goats milk but no, he examined me and referred me straight away.
Two weeks later I'm having my girls squished between plates, prodded by strangers and skewered (under local anaesthetic) by kindly radiographers. Yes the lump was there and oh look it brought a friend. I don't remember there sending out an invite to my tit let alone a 'plus one'......
We went home relieved that we weren't imagining the whole thing and that our fabulous NHS would see us through. The wait for the results has to have been the longest week of our lives. We are not used to having to wait for things, life has become so instant. It didn't help that our appointment was an afternoon, nor that we would have an unexpected 2 hour wait after that.
5.30pm Wednesday 16th Dec 2015, A nurse comes to find us, as we are the last couple in the now deserted waiting room. Don't panic she says, we know you are waiting and we are very sorry its so late......one of those days she says. Then she says.........You're next and we wont rush it, we will take as long as we need to.
He didn't say so, but Liam's heart sank at that point as he realised it was bad news......it went over my head, I was hot and anxious. I was just glad to find we hadn't been forgotten!
Then we are called in at 6pm.....to the 'bad news room' That's not what its called, but it may as well be. Three chairs, plus one recliner and a box of tissues on the table. Fuck.
And there follows the very kind words from the consultant....and the nurse explaining everything and I don't really remember much else. It was so late I was eager to get home because we hadn't told anyone where we were, the boys were home and waiting for their dinner.....Fred had a friend over and I was supposed to feed them before he went home. I really thought we would be home by 5pm.
We finally rolled in at 7pm, told the boys and opened the wine.
I'm going to try and blog my way through this, I'm hoping it will help me cope and come to terms with my diagnosis.
So, we found a lump. Well Liam found it during a boozy Sunday evening grope on the sofa.....as you do. Talk about passion killer.
Anyway, it takes me three days to get an emergency appointment at our surgery an all I'm left with is the 'holistic' GP who likes acupuncture and homeopathic remedies. I was expecting him to suggest I was imagining it, to do some breathing exercises or bathe in goats milk but no, he examined me and referred me straight away.
Two weeks later I'm having my girls squished between plates, prodded by strangers and skewered (under local anaesthetic) by kindly radiographers. Yes the lump was there and oh look it brought a friend. I don't remember there sending out an invite to my tit let alone a 'plus one'......
We went home relieved that we weren't imagining the whole thing and that our fabulous NHS would see us through. The wait for the results has to have been the longest week of our lives. We are not used to having to wait for things, life has become so instant. It didn't help that our appointment was an afternoon, nor that we would have an unexpected 2 hour wait after that.
5.30pm Wednesday 16th Dec 2015, A nurse comes to find us, as we are the last couple in the now deserted waiting room. Don't panic she says, we know you are waiting and we are very sorry its so late......one of those days she says. Then she says.........You're next and we wont rush it, we will take as long as we need to.
He didn't say so, but Liam's heart sank at that point as he realised it was bad news......it went over my head, I was hot and anxious. I was just glad to find we hadn't been forgotten!
Then we are called in at 6pm.....to the 'bad news room' That's not what its called, but it may as well be. Three chairs, plus one recliner and a box of tissues on the table. Fuck.
And there follows the very kind words from the consultant....and the nurse explaining everything and I don't really remember much else. It was so late I was eager to get home because we hadn't told anyone where we were, the boys were home and waiting for their dinner.....Fred had a friend over and I was supposed to feed them before he went home. I really thought we would be home by 5pm.
We finally rolled in at 7pm, told the boys and opened the wine.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)